Can I ever love enough?

can I ever love enough
I Thessalonians 4: 11 ‘Study to be quiet’.  Just now this is my deepest need. The roar of pain within is overwhelming.  I need to learn in my quietness to know God in a deeper way, to ‘Be Still’ and let him feed and nourish my hu

rting heart   Oh that I may drink from the fountain of the Risen Lord! 
‘Can I ever love enough?’ is the question of my heart as I write. This morning the blustering winds were severe. I thought of those without shelter, food, health. They feel neglected, know nothing but famine in their sad lives.  Their cries for help demand I do love.  They may be a little past the hill but they are not at the top; how can one climb with a heavy heart? Inwardly I question ‘Why?’ but I must leave the ‘Why?’ to God.  Since my first ‘blog’ during the early days of my marriage to Hamilton, I have never encountered such brokenness, such devastation.  Spring is a beautiful time of year when we see new life appear, yet for many the morning dew never falls, their nights are a continual storm.   But there is still the dew of his sustaining grace, enough for each day.

It would be impossible to write my normal ‘blog’ owing to the depth of urgency surrounding the work of Casa Grace; Orphanage Centre; Emanuel Hospice; Iochebed. As you read the PRAYER REQUESTS will you climb the hill with me?

ADAM was making slow progress, eating yoghurt, stewed fruits etc. A few days ago he contracted a severe infection causing his heart to weaken.  The doctors suspect Septicaemia and he remains ill.  To date no confirmation of the prognosis has been received from USA. This little lamb needs to be carried close to our hearts.

ORPHANAGE CENTRE Dora does an amazing work with the marginalised children, down syndrome children and abandoned babies.  Yesterday we sent ‘Easter Animals’ for the children.  Thank you to the ladies from Londonderry.   These children need to feel loved, as the adult orphans can be aggressive due to their early years. Sufficient funds are in place to ensure ‘treats’ are available 365 days each year.  These are special little lambs also.

CASA GRACE – as I think of the work of Casa Grace Foundation, I am reminded of the words of Rev. F.B. Meyer ‘Oh for grace to wait and watch with God!’.  Monika and I are in daily contact by email or mobile.  I am privileged to be part of this small team of faithful servants who face grave situations each day, yet remain unwavering in their faith and trust in the Lord.  I wrote to Sister Neli telling her my heart was breaking as I read one particular email.  Let me share:

The Druta family consist of a mother (very sick) and two young daughters.  They are facing a desperate situation in losing their small home due to eviction orders being served in the neighbourhood.  They have not been offered alternative accommodation and have nowhere to live.  They face living on the street.  I visited this home on many occasions and became attached to the oldest girl who has many medical problems.  She has lost weight and is unable to walk; her medical condition has worsened due to the stress.  As a team we are praying the Lord will meet this need in order for them to remain together as a family.  Their weekly income is £25 – an impossible task for three people to manage the cost of Rent; Food; Medicines; Clothing. Can we ever love enough?

The work of Casa Grace is extensive, covering a wide spectrum of need.  And still there is more.  One family consisting of seven children – sadly the father suffers from a mental disorder and can be aggressive.  The children work at home making ‘nets’ to sell in order to live.  Another family where the son has severe health issues, having to be hospitalised for two weeks every two months.  Food, Hygiene, Treatment was made available.  A family at risk of losing their children owing to lack of employment, health issues, an unstable home environment.  Through the witness of Casa Grace they have started to attend Church. Please pray they will come to know the Saviour. 

Families continue to come to CASA, knowing we care. This week I received case studies, ranging up to nine children in one family.  Our support is not just about a Feeding Programme. It is about giving living bread, the Bread of Life.  Thank you for enabling us to continue.  Where there is a surplus of clothes, these are donated to the work of Dumbrava Rosa who care for homeless people until their final days.

In my distress as I read the needs, I felt actual pain, I allowed myself to become anxious and overwhelmed.  ‘Study to be quiet’ – I needed to learn that my faith is restored when I stop trying to sort myself and leave the matter to God knowing ALL is part of his plan.

EMANUEL HOSPICE continue to walk a desert road, visiting parched hearts of the adult patients, whose spirit has gone as has the days of their youth.  The number of terminally ill patients is staggering, yet devotion and dedication restore faith in the weariness at the close of each day.  The remains of the day for many are limited for young and old alike.
Eva (49) diagnosed with a brain tumour (now blind).  She must now live with her sister in a damaged house in need of much repair.  Her sister suffers from schizophrenia and can be aggressive.  Hold Eva very close in your heart that during her final days she will experience how ‘He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.  He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth all by their names,’ Psalm 147: 3,4. 
Kevin is recovering well, attending school and walking for the first time in nine years.  Sadly little Victor has been readmitted to hospital.  His blood tests revealed he requires maintenance treatment now that his chemotherapy has finished.  I thought my Adam has amazing eyes – Victor’s little eyes search your face and enter your heart.  Please pray for his foster parents going through this difficult situation.

Baby Alexandra’s condition is deteriorating.  Due to excessive weight loss she is constantly in hospital and although she is nine months, she is very tiny.  Please and I repeat, please, pray for Sister Simona who lovingly cares for her little treasure day by day.  Heartbroken as she hears the little one’s sounds of pain due to the open wound in her tiny head.  The oncologist is looking for a surgeon to perform corrective surgery to close the wound.  Nine months of suffering…

Dami (14) suffering from a brain tumour.  He wanted to be baptised (with his Mum).  The tumour is spreading and his vision is affected; very soon he will be unable to see at all.  His mother is heartbroken.

IOCHEBED consist of three ladies working in Suceava.  I listened intently to the passion in their voices as they shared their work and I thought of the many sighs, tears, smarting wounds of life they heal through their services. Iochebed  offers counselling for unwanted pregnancies, proving the Love of God for the sanctity of life; medical treatments; ongoing projects in orphanages, schools; feeding programme ….. It is my heart’s desire to launch a new project: ‘THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME LIVE’.  Every three months we will send Fyffes Banana Boxes filled with New Cotton Baby Blankets/New Born Baby Clothes/Feeding Bottles/ Baby Wipes/Pampers and also £300 per month to cover Dried Milk.  We want to calm the storm in many lives and whisper ‘We Care’.

Here is an example to show that we cannot love enough and why the Lord placed on my heart the urgency to commence this new programme.  Alexandra, seventeen and unmarried has a baby of nineteen months.  Sadly Alexandra has an intellectual deficiency and gave birth to this little baby when she was only fifteen – a little baby girl weighing only 3.5 kilos.  Sadly the baby was diagnosed with various cardiac malformations, at this stage we supported with clothing, treatments etc.  Alexandra’s mother has come again with her daughter to request another pregnancy test which has proved positive, birth date to be November, 2019.  Sadly this young woman is not in a stable relationship with the father of the baby and is not mature enough to grasp or understand the responsibilities she will face with two young babies.  The little girl of nineteen months has been readmitted to hospital and may require surgery. Support in clothing, treatment and transport costs, food and hygiene have been offered as both mother and grandmother were unprepared for this emergency. ‘CAN I EVER LOVE ENOUGH?’

Casa Grace, Orphanage Centre, Emanuel Hospice, Iochebed are only a few of our areas of support. I continue to remember Child Life Romania, The Farm, The Street Children in Bucharest and the beautiful setting of Still Waters in Portstewart where a time of respite is offered to those in need of quietness of heart.  Application Forms are available by request.

As you have read, you will now know why I felt lead to write ‘the facts’.  Not stories but real lives.  Yes, I have felt pressure, the burden as I face these tragic situations.  But now I have ‘climbed the hill’ I refuse to change my thinking because I can never love enough, in fact, I refuse to come down.  There is no need for me to become overwhelmed, God is in control.   He sends a project and he will meet the need.

May his steps be my steps, may his love be my love, may his heart be my heart.  A heart for all.

Shirley, April 14, 2019

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